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Inspiration Falls by ~irvon:iconirvon:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Haiku & Eastern







Peach skies presented themselves
Under crescent moon.
Broken clouds make haiku.




©2007-2009 ~irvon
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Submitted: October 8, 2007
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Author's Comments

Haikuwrimo 2007 October 8

Sometimes inspiration really does fall from the sky.

Edit: "themselves" was put to the end of the first line from the beginning of the second line. Thanks to moyanII and those who agreed with him.;p
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Comments


~caswynn:iconcaswynn: Oct 8, 2007, 6:50:00 AM
I love! I love! :heart: :+fav:

--
Let's get our two hearts beating faster
~irvon:iconirvon: Oct 8, 2007, 6:51:25 AM
Many thanks! Many thanks!:heart:

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I(now) = I(now - Δt) + Δt ∙ I(now - Δt) for Δt → 0
*moyanII:iconmoyanII: Oct 8, 2007, 8:02:38 AM
do join 'themselves' to the first line. i think it reads smoother that way. :)

--
~secret study~
~silent studio~
*Bogbrush:iconBogbrush: Oct 9, 2007, 11:59:21 AM
The peach skies make my think of the sky at sunset, a lovely image.

I agree with moyanii - I think 'themselves' should probably be on the first line too.

--
The coffee tastes better when the latrines are dug downstream.
- Confederate Army Handbook, 1862
~Shadow-Mantis:iconShadow-Mantis: Oct 10, 2007, 12:33:47 AM
"Crescent moon", I think, is one of my favourite phrases. Such a lovely image associated with it, especially when it has peach skies underneath :D Great work.

(Also, yes, "themselves" would sound smoother on the first line, just to be annoying and repetitive, but I have no idea about haiku so I can't really say that :P)

--
Just make-believe.
~irvon:iconirvon: Oct 10, 2007, 2:08:26 PM
Thanks for the suggestion. It was my intention to have a 5 - 7 - 5 structure (yes, I know it's nothing like the japanese 5 - 7 - 5 structure;)), but after thouroughly rereading with everyone's comments in mind, I've arrived at the conclusion that you are probably right:).

--
I(now) = I(now - Δt) + Δt ∙ I(now - Δt) for Δt → 0
~irvon:iconirvon: Oct 10, 2007, 2:09:26 PM
Thank you!:)

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I(now) = I(now - Δt) + Δt ∙ I(now - Δt) for Δt → 0
~irvon:iconirvon: Oct 10, 2007, 2:09:44 PM
Thanks, and consider it edited;)

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I(now) = I(now - Δt) + Δt ∙ I(now - Δt) for Δt → 0
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